Crystal Wings

Things change, time flies. And so do I.

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Location: Sydney, New South Wales, Australia

About me. Well, I COULD lie and make things interesting, or I COULD tell you the truth and let you decide, but i'd rather you just form your own opinions.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Grip

Today I came close to destroying what was dearest to me. I've been wrong all along.
I've been wrong all along.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

The final moment

I stayed up most of yesterday night chatting with Nicole, and by the time I got to bed I didn't have too much time to sleep. Still, work today was pretty uneventful and I spent most of the day serving customers and racking up sales. As I was on my way to work, Gayatri called me to apologize and invite me out next week. She's done really well for her semester finals and i'm quite proud of her. We still have to work out the specifics but it will probably involve some food and a movie. I have mixed feelings about it but i'll deal with it later.

After work me and Andrew went to see King Kong as planned, and we were not disappointed. It is quite easily one of the best movies i've seen for a long time. 2005 has been a great year for movies, and King Kong brings it to a satisfying close.
I won't elaborate more, because I don't want to spoil your experience of the movie or lead you on. Watch it and see for yourself.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Madness - Just one more

After a sleepless night thanks to nocturnal animal activity on my roof (and in my walls, apparently) I went into my first day of work. On my first day alone I had to point out pricing inconsistencies and the like. I really hope i'm not getting ahead of myself here. Regardless, I left the store with a King Kong promo t-shirt and a God of War poster. I'd say it's a good haul. Speaking of King Kong, i'll probably be watching it tomorrow with Andrew and Tegan from the store. Apparently the movie is over 3 hours long! I can hope that it's not a chore to watch.

Once my first day at work was over and done with, I hurried to Star City to catch up with Matt and 2 of his friends. We had a quick dinner, followed by a night at the casino Blackjack tables. This was my first time gambling and to be honest I can see why people get addicted. After a few rounds a kind of madness takes over, blurring your judgement more than any amount of alcohol ever could. I saw it in Matt, I saw it in his friends, and I saw it in everyone around me. Worse still, I saw it in myself. I managed to win $50 playing/learning Blackjack tonight, and I was tempted to throw it all away to win more. Fortunately since it was my first time, I was apprehensive, and wasn't willing push my luck further. Matt left with about $300 extra, but his friends didn't do so well. There's nothing like the rush of seeing a pile of chips double. There's nothing like seeing it all being taken away. Where do I stand? It will take some doing to get me back in there anytime soon, but I know i'll be back. Sooner or later i'll be tempted to play just one more.

Wild World

Today i'll be starting my first shift at the Games Wizards. Once the shift is over, i'll probably be learning to play Blackjack with Matt, the ex-manager. That should be interesting. Since New Years I haven't done all that much. I relaxed over the past few days, went kickboxing 3 or 4 times and devoured a book my sister got me for my birthday : Adrian Mole and the Weapons of Mass Destruction, by Sue Townsend. I haven't been enjoying myself reading a book since my last Neil Gaiman conquest. Simply put, it was one of the more heartwarming books i've read in a long time. Through the pages I follow the life and times of 35 year old Adrian Mole, chronicling his daily encounters with his parents, fiancee, his long standing love interest Pandora, and an evil flock of Swans. The last AM book i've read was the Diary of Adrian Mole, age 13 3/4. It was good to see how far he has gone in the intervening years. I'll have to source the books i've missed in between the two i've read and find out what has happened in between. Incidentally, the book was such a breath of fresh air that I practically consumed its contents within the space of 24 hours, all 500 pages of it.

I've been content lately, of which I am grateful. My life has fallen into a quaint routine which I find to be very comforting. Looking back I realize that things have been so difficult because I was hoping someone would come to my rescue. I had made no effort to help myself. What a fool i've been.

After a quick visit to EB Games I walked out with a copy of Animal Crossing Wild World for the DS. Surprisingly, i've been finding it a good escape from what's been going on in Sydney. Riots and some major scuffles have broken out between Australians and the Lebanese community here in Sydney, and it isn't looking pretty. To be fair, the Lebanese haven't exactly been making an effort to maintain a good reputation. A good number of their youth seem to be prone to bouts of general nuisance, causing the public to view them as ruffians. From what I see, they're probably right. Still, this is getting out of hand.

I guess I should get some sleep. The sun has been rising earlier of late and seeing as to how my bed is positioned directly under a skylight window, suffice it to say that i've been waking up earlier than I would normally prefer.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Epilogue

So today brings the close of one year in my life and opens the door to another. God willing i'll still be here to write same time next year. Today i've decided to celebrate New Years. I've never put much stock in the 1st of January. As far as i'm concerned, it's just another day in my life. So i've put forward to myself a set of resolutions, a code of conduct of sorts that I hope will ensure that things go differently this time around. Mind you the last year wasn't bad by any means. It simply did not turn out as expected. I don't care to repeat my achievements and misadvetures over the past 365 days. Suffice it to say i've had plenty of both. And i'm sure whether I like it or not there will be much more to come. Sure, many things are left to the whim and fancy of chance, but from now on, i'm going to be the driver, not the passenger. I may not be able to choose my destination, but this time i'm not just along for the ride.

Time to start over. Time to take over.

23

I'm 23 today. And that's all I have to say about that. Happy New Years to me!

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Bruised

I slept in late yesterday talking to Nicole. Being the paranoid person that I am, I had to break a promise in order to keetp my peace of mind. Fortunately, she was very gracious about easing my anxiety.

Throughout the day I didn't do all that much. I started rereading Smoke and Mirrors, and spent about 3 hours in the evening hammering my frustrations out on a punching bag at the gym. I felt much better after that session, though now i'm aching all over the place. My knuckles and shins are bruised, and to be honest its quite a refreshing feeling. Its been a while since i've been bruised anywhere physical and the dull throbbing aches rein my mind in whenever it strays too far. I think I might have found a way to stay grounded in the present, at least for a while. Tomorrow i'll do a cardio class and really push myself. Now that I have a bit of time, I owe it to myself to catch up on all the grand plans i've been making. On its own, i'd say today is a good start.

Monday, December 05, 2005

The best defense is a good offense

My meeting with Chantelle turned out to be a 'Lets bash the deserter' fiasco. I understand that she's disappointed, but she was being downright rude and unprofessional. Ah well, I have to do whats right by me, and if thats the kind of person she really is switching over might not be such a bad idea.

Needless to say, i'm not in the best of moods today. I did have a good night out though. Aaron, the staff member i'm being hired at the Games Wizards invited me to a 'staff meeting' at Pizza Hut with Nathaniel, Tegan and Andrew and we had a good time talking and stuffing our faces out at the buffet. A far cry from what I experienced in the morning for sure.

I feel bad for having to leave, but considering the circumstances i'm sure I did the right thing. What they think of me is irrelevant. To be honest its a liberating feeling to not care. I should try it more often.

I can run but I can't hide

So the Past has caught up with me yet again. I can run but I can't hide. No, that's not true. I can't even run anymore. I'm tired. I was told that writing what truly want in my life down will help. So what do I want? Simple.

I want a small measure of peace
I want to be able to live in the now
I want resolution to the things i've left unfinished
I want an end to my loneliness
I want to stop punishing myself

That's not too much to ask is it? I don't think so.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Reap what you sow

I guess my time at Mabuzi is nearing an end. I've been made an offer i'd be a fool to refuse. So why do I still feel terrible? It's the smart thing to do. More hours, better pay, stable environment. What am I waiting for?