Crystal Wings

Things change, time flies. And so do I.

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Location: Sydney, New South Wales, Australia

About me. Well, I COULD lie and make things interesting, or I COULD tell you the truth and let you decide, but i'd rather you just form your own opinions.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Doom

Over the past few weeks i've gotten worse and i've gotten better, and now i'm back in good health. I'm not going to say much tonight save that I saw Doom (which wasn't bad, surprisingly) and that i've for my sister's deaf friend sleeping over tonight. It warrants an explanation, but i'll leave it to your imagination to fill in the blanks. Ta!

Monday, October 17, 2005

Devoured

By now i've finished not only The Last Continent, but also Dream Hunters, The Last Temptation AND Anansi Boys. The books kept me company through the bad patches in my sick days and now I feel like I need more. That's the magic of Neil Gaiman. Whereas any other author would narrate to you a situation, he would put you IN the situation. His style allows you to follow the sequence of unlikely events as easily (and as quickly) as it would take for you to turn the page and keep on reading. Anansi Boys tells the story of a reunion. That is pretty much what the book is all about, until you read it of course. And when you're done you know there's much more to is, but that's what the book is about. And I enjoyed it throughly. It has been a long while since I had a good read.

Now I sit here wondering what else I can pick up to devour, though I know the smart thing to do would be to go to bed and rest. I've got a full day at Mabuzi tomorrow, from 9.30am to 7.30pm. I'll pretty much be opening and closing the stall. Not a bad way to spend my first official day at work I think. I won't be working for the rest of the week, so 1 full day will give me a reasonable amount of money, or so i'd like to think. While i'm at Broadway tomorrow I might pick up another book or two, but right now, I could definitely use some rest. My fever is gone and my sore throat is just a memory now, but I still have a dry running cough that seems to rear its ugly head mainly after the sun sets. Brilliant.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Under the weather

My head hurts, I can barely keep my eyes open and I feel like i've eaten a bucketload of 2 week old oysters, which is to say, not very good at all. The past couple of days have been fairly easy, fasting wise. My headaches abated by the third day and the only thing that remotely bothers me is the hunger pangs I get an hour or 2 before its time to break fast.

I had finished reading Neverwhere and started devouring a Terry Pratchett book called The Last Continent. I believe I acquired the book by somewhat shady means. Shady being that I picked it up as a souvenir from the Royal, a bar I used stay at. Still, seeing as to how the book (along with a filched copy of Thomas Harris' Silence of the Lambs) was probably left behind by a previous guest, I don't have any qualms about taking it. To further supplement my reading requirements for the month I also bought a few Neil Gaiman books, which I will promptly attack as soon as i've given TP his due.

Most of the afternoon was spent watching (or more accurately, half-dozing) through a Debussy and Ravel orchestra performance at the Opera House. Not to mean any disrespect, but I only got to bed at around 4am earlier today, so I decided to shut my eyes while I appreciated the music. For the most part, it worked. Every note rang clear, every melody and every movement performed with the extraordinary skill and grace one could expect from such a respected orchestra. At some point, I began to drift into a world more abstract, more imaginative and at once I knew that while I could still hear the music perfectly, I was detached, floating in the kind of half-sleep you get while driving on a long road. By the time the performance was over, I felt somewhat refreshed, although I knew that it was no substitute for a proper night's rest. Speaking of which, my bean-bed is starting to look mighty inviting. Given my ailing state, I better not ignore my needs.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Stranger

Read my last post, then read the comments. O happy day!

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

The Fast Begins

As expected, I was having a mild headache by late afternoon. The first few days are always the toughest. Your body exagerates the need to eat or drink and throws a tantrum, much like a child would if denied ice cream on Teusdays (But we always have ice cream on Teusdays!). Too bad. By tomorrow it won't seem so bad, trust me.

After my Law class I set out from Uni to get what carried me through the month last year - a dozen Original Glazed Krispy Kreme Doughnuts. It wasn't a short walk either, and I meandered into various bookshops and hobby stores along the way taking a look around, trying to convince my brain to stop growing, or conversely, my skull to stop shrinking for just another hour, after which I can eat. It didn't hurt much, but it was certainly annoying. Fortunately, I managed to make it to Krispy Kreme without incident and walked away 5 minutes later with a box of doughnuts and a bottle of ice peach tea.

The next destination was Circular Quay, where I could catch my bus and get home. I passed time at the stop reading Neverwhere. The Marquis de Carabas no longer speaks and Richard Mayhew is still doggedly trying to get his old life back, despite the fact that his old life decided it had enough and promptly committed suicide in front of a captive audience (Me). I should be done with the book tomorrow, if not by this weekend for sure. Things are getting interesting.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Sin

Trust one of my oldest friends to smack me in the nose. Thank you very much Moon Liang. I've given things a little thought, and I suppose I write for peace of mind. There's something comforting about knowing where your head is at. There's some small measure of reassurance when you know where your thoughts lie, in disarray or not.

Sometimes I wonder about the direction my life seems to be taking me. Or more accurately, me it. It's a classic example of the blind leading the blind. I have no idea where i'll end up tomorrow. How i'll feel tomorrow. Even though the promise of sleep already weighs heavily on my eyelids, tomorrow still seems so far away. Will things change tomorrow? Probably not. Will I stop feeling like i'm missing something? Definitely not. Still, there's the offchance that something might change. There's the remote possibility that i'll wake up tomorrow to discover that my life was just a long, bittersweet dream. Fat chance.

I feel so tired.
I miss my best friend.
I miss the hurt I felt when I was around her.
At least the pain was something tangible. Something that filled the void.
I'd rather be bleeding inside than empty.

I had to fight myself again today. I think there's a certain irony in which Sin begets more Sin. It's like a snowball rolling down a steep incline, picking up speed, more snow, building onto itself until finally it crashes into you (that part is called Guilt). Doing the right thing, on the other hand, is like rolling a heavy boulder up that same incline. You wonder if its worth it every step of the way. Of course it is, you reassure yourself. You just put one foot in front of the other and before you know it, its over.

That's all i've been doing lately. Putting one foot in front of the other. I'm tired and i'm lonely, but where I am today isn't where I was yesterday. That tiny fact alone comforts me in a way I hope you never have to know. One more step. Come tomorrow things will be a little easier. Fasting always helps me maintain a sort of calm i'd be hard pressed to find any other time of the year. Maybe it's the act of Faith, maybe its the lack of energy, maybe its just the hunger taking my focus away from petty issues. Its probably all of the above. Doesn't really matter what it is exactly.

All I know is that i'm finding pieces of me every step I take. And every day that passes is a blessing. And every night I go to bed knowing that i'm that much more whole.

Whole.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Who reads this anyway?

I've been thinking. Aside from the very few people that I know for sure who reads my posts (the number of which I can count on one hand), just who else is reading this? Certainly not me. I'm here to write. To let go. The blog is like a sponge absorbing my unwanted, unneeded or generally unecessary memories. Half the comments I get are from strange people who troll blogs to advertise questionable goods. I think the more important question to ask is why i'm writing this altogether.

If no one knows, who cares?